Mohan
Kothekar
Writer and
Blogger
It is indeed a
forlorn and flagitious for some and hilarious and joyous for many; when the son
espoused with the bride. The saga is she
desert everything, dreams the prospect, and become part and parcel of his
family, nonetheless reverse. In
reciprocation, the benefaction and sacrifice of the groom’s family are identically
consequential for her existence on the planet.
Shall her emulations transmuted to factuality or get entirely ravaged or
accommodated, exigence to be ascertained in the context of the modern era. Providential are the green eyed lot, those
ruined do repentance on every sniff and opposite, remained are happy go lucky
lot.
Expectations
are many of a SINGLE CHILD POLICY FAMILY, bride as well as groom; both, the
simplicity and complexity are the common features. The appetence for the daughter is more
explicit than daughter-in-law for groom’s family. Amalgamation in the new precinct as a
descendant is a propitious phenomenon than her role as an alien. The sense of constancy and devoutness for the
groom’s family involuntarily brings her at the center stage as an asset rather
than a liability. The
impulsive transmogrification from daughter-in-law to daughter explicitly – not
always - lies in the hand of the bride’s family, seldom sufferer or devastator. Apparently the groom’s or bride’s lineage is the
sole amenable for such cowardly dissemblance?
The answer exists in between yes and/or no or both.
The dormant lead a miserable life and are the most sufferers. Unfortunate are those, regardless of their
adoration they remain deprived of contentment and delectation, and also victims
of taunts, defame, badger, gibe and banter.
Exploitation is solitary on the foundation of extravagant advantage of
her austerity. Her marriage culminated
the whole groom family – especially the mother-in-law – in to the non-working
players as if the new maid has arrived and that too exerts tirelessly till her
existence without remuneration. Her stature
scarcely gets elevated and promoted once she accepts motherhood; in the event,
probability of revengeful posture against groom’s family or her daughter-in-law
in the future may exist. The luckless
are those deplorable and ill-chosen ladies that they lead an underprivileged
life; thrashing and bumping is a regular phenomenon. New born sex – girl – is the motive behind
the uninterrupted intimidation, torment and anguish.
Very small percentage – almost near to nil - of dormant brides’ faces third
degree corporal punishment till her departure from the planet, torched or get
self-immolated. Why then outstretched to
such an extreme end? Whether the fault
lies in her upbringing process? Right
now, in many families the girls are groomed as outsiders (paraya dhan)
and not as an independent and self-respect entity; neither had them involved in
the decision making process nor treated as if she has the ability to work like
a son. Always family inculcates the
notion that “once she marries, their responsibility is over” or “bear it” or
“no place in our home” or “remain there till death.” At last, bride’s torture and devastation
culminated into abuse and curse to the groom’s family, later to seek legal
advice for the severest punishment by draining life’s savings and tireless
precious time. The incidence connoted higher
in nescient but fewer in cultured well educated families. Ignorance in the astute well-being of their
daughter or psychological clot in the expression of her agony is the intent for such daredevil act.
Devastators are, just opposite to dormant,
not only dominant but many times are the dictator, oppressor, destroyer and
wrecker. From the day one, her vamp attitude
is heathenish
and barbarian towards members of the groom’s family, to kick
out in-laws from their own adorable home.
Even after the in-laws departure to the age old homes for the sake and the welfare of their son and grandchildren, her attitude
remained the same. She is bound to become
mother-in-law in the future and will get the same punishment; the inculcation
of the ethos of the great Indian family culture needs to be implored. Forever increasing such incidences
the responsibility lies with whom? The
girl, her liberal and indifferent and eccentric attitude, psychological dogmas,
her parents, her family, her friend circle, non-household working syndrome, affluent
nucleus family norms, openness in the society, the influence of western
culture, liberal democratic norms, education, allurement for the wealthy
lifestyle, one sided stringent laws against groom and his family, ease in
diverse norms, or the sas-bahu type TV serials and operas/movies?
Husband inclination
towards devastator spouse simultaneous ignorance towards parents or vice versa
or sandwich, in-laws adverse remarks and bossism also comparison and taunting,
social-cultural-financial differences, unnecessary nose pocking attitude of her
parents - especially her mother - in day to day affairs, retort for sundry
matters, indifferent attitude towards spouse and his family; innumerable
reasons hamper the happy, healthy and prosperity of the family. Allegations resulted in separation, groom’s
family handcuffing and longtime legal battle.
Such incidences are augmented in middle, upper middle and neo-rich class
families with galloping velocity; why, the clinical psychiatrist
and sociologist should answer the query. Shamefully, one desires to comment that the
number of age old homes, counselors and family courts are increasing against
the great cultural heritage of Indian age old traditions. In both, the dormant and devastator cases,
narratives could change, but the core content remained unaltered.
The
third category is providential cheery and lucky group. From the day one, the cheery milieu is hale
and hearty without any issues and stress; both the bloodlines appeared like one
coherent and conjoin unit. Both the
family embraces him as a son and her as a daughter, without gender discrepancy. The couple since the beginning are infused and
inculcated with the ideology that both the parents are to be nursed till the
end like their own without any differentiation. Festivity commences from the wedding fixation
date, the
last day of the military administration, by shelling few
thousand to a lakh buck. Rituals and
conviviality are organized in liturgical and grand gala style with active participation from nears and dears. A group of gals –
bride and both mamas, the leader and her ardent followers - relish in joyous
mood shopping, eating, outing and what not with and without a macho bunch; disco
dance and bikini clad snapshots are left for next generation lassie. For them, authorization and
endorsement from male bastion precedent to any activity is not only the age old
dogma but an affront and indignity. Paradigm
shift from ancient male to female bastion dogma is not only due to strong
gender equality (women’s lib) movement after World War II, but also emulation among wives and financial independence. PayTM, E-wallet, E-banking, BHIM banking facilities
have encouraged and augmented aforesaid activities with ease. Businessmen and service providers are the
gainers and toms – not the male cat, I mean gentlemen – are the money losers. Ring and marriage ceremony, only once the memorable
life time episode, is being lavishly savored.
Satisfied souls depart after a photo shoot in the grand gala party; a
million or two bucks are the upper middle class budget.
Daughter-in-law becomes heart-throb
for the groom family. Her embranglement
as an intruder in daily chorus begins way before marriage. Instagram, Whats App, Skipe, Face Time and other
electronic fads enhances her sweet dictatorial attitude even if she resides at the other
side of the globe. The young lady and
your arch rival – guess who! – decide petty purchases such as your shaving
cream or razor blade. In spite of persistent
and obstinate denial and disapproval the Snapdeal, Amazon and Flipkart services
are engaged to cater your unsought and uninvited needs. The smallest denial or witty argument
metamorphoses to the big earthquake followed by scolding and admonishing from
the fishwife, the main architect behind the panorama. The affright and frightened better-half from
last three decades transitioned to ferocious tigress. The newly formed consonant and candid feme
unit bypassed your aspirations and lavishly together enjoys from the beauty parlor,
new fashion vista, weight loss gym to the latest trends in every sphere of life
especially fat-sugar-oil free boring recipes.
Till date trusted descendant, deserted to the newly formed party.
The
cute and comely news of the new arrival is presumed as propitious omen. Literature quest to late night internet hunting
formulate the future strategies; food habits, warm up exercises, yoga lessons,
resting time, visit to gynecologist, light work are some of the subjects of
unending discussion. Appropriate
amalgamation of counsel of aged and experienced ladies and the latest
scientific innovations decides the roadmap.
Season of festivity began, followed by videoing the event and high spending
on trifle matters. As the pregnancy
advances, the gynecologist pockets monetary advantage using emotional
blackmailing and propagating fear psychosis.
Natural delivery is a forgotten commodity; cesarean being expensive business,
is near and dear to butcher community, the sagacious opera entails a lakh or
two bucks. Arrival of the girl child, equally
as male, is the most auspicious and prosperous event like appearance of goddess
Laxmi. Blended families
are hilarious and joyous due to acrimonious and splendid movements of the nascent;
grannies and grandmas are the bewildered and cluttered lot, for them infant is
the most lampblack, disquiet and vigilance doll.
During the course of her
journey when the thinnest line rubbed out and she became darling daughter
of one and all is difficult to trace out.
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