The Indolent Mother

Mohan Kothekar

Writer and Blogger

           

In India, once upon a time, travel by rail was almost apprehended as a torturous journey.  With the passing of time, some basic infrastructural amenities are developed but are still inadequate.  Advance reservation is essential for overnight journey, and for that one has to exert for ticket booking, at least a month earlier; otherwise, better not to travel or opt for another mode of transportation.  James Hills once said, ‘most men who have really lived have had, in some share, their great adventure.  This railway is mine.’  And, if a lazy and sluggish mother of hardly twenty one year old from semi-urban background carry a baby of eleventh month old with bags and baggage, then travel will coherently be full of torment and tribulation rather than joy and exhilaration.

While traveling from Pune to Nagpur in India, the co-passengers were the mother along with her eleventh month old son.  I was fortunate that the other passengers in the cabin were senior citizens of my age; of which one lady was with a medical background and another woman was a psychologist.  When I enter into the cabin, I saw a young couple, along with the child, were ventilating regarding family matters.  The boy was on the lap of a father and all the time the baby was defacto comfortable with the father.  It seems the couple was the co-traveler. 

As the train inchoate its journey at evening hours, all of a sudden, the husband handed over the boy to the spouse and gets down from the moving train.  Both the elderly passengers were pal and were debating about their personal matter.  The first ten minutes were passed with contentment and exhilaration; but, further sixteen hour journey was arduous and toilsome.  The baby speaks only two words, papa and grannie; he started crying.  We are being co-passenger naturally impromptu tried to solace and console him.  What we noticed, the mother did not heed and remained aloof and detached with reckless and indifferent attitude.  His constant and unremitting weeping and lamenting – papa, granny – the incantation continued.

The first salvo was from the medico, ‘is he your son?’  The girl politely said, ‘yes.’  The psychologist said, ‘from last one hour, we are trying to entertain him, and you are behaving as if you are no way concerned with the boy.  Why don’t you breastfed him?’  Her simple reply was, ‘I have no milk.’  Medico, ‘Have you tried any time?’  The girl said, ‘almost since birth, I have not breast fed him?’  I intervened and said, ‘give him biscuits and cow milk.’  The girl opened the bag and offered him milk and biscuits.  After ten minutes, same mantra continued; it was not only irritating to us, but to the nearby passengers.

After continuous and incessant firing from both the educated ladies, the girl narrated her story.  She is from semi-urban background and married with a boy from Pune.  She was hardly 40 – 45 kg at the time of her matrimony and gained a little more at the time of delivery.  She has compelled to breastfeed the boy – by the gynecologist - for the first week that is till she was in the hospital.  Later on, the charge of a boy lies with his granny and papa.  The medico asked, ‘what was your duty?’  ‘I was and I am looking after the household work, like cooking, cleaning, and other work,’ she said.  Psychologist, ‘see, this is your baby, it is your duty to look after your baby and not your husband and mother in law; they will support you.  First and foremost is to take this boy and allow him to sit on your lap.’  She said, ‘I am weak.’  ‘Do you think that weak mother never exhibit love and adoration to her child?’  Helplessly, the girl leashed the boy and allowed to sit on her lap.  Medico said, ‘hold him properly; your first duty is to cling and snuggle him to your chest and talk with him, kiss him; show love and affection.’  Both the ladies followed what Roy T. Bennett said, ‘focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses; focus on your character, not your reputation; focus on your blessings not your misfortunes.’

My role in the huddle was to cool down the dander and choler of both the ladies on one side and to regale and rejoice the girl on the other.  The girl followed elderly ladies advice without grumbling.  At the time of dinner, she showed callousness and ungenerous attitude towards her son.  Both the ladies were adamant, strict and disciplined; they educate her how to feed a baby bit by bit.  I casually asked the girl, ‘why your husband or mother-in-law is not accompanying you?’  Her reply was, ‘my husband’s office has not sanctioned his leave; my mother-in-law is likely to be traveled by tomorrow’s train.  She has not got the reservation on today’s train.’  ‘The boy would have traveled by tomorrow’s train!’  She said, ‘my mother in law’s ticket is yet to get confirmed.’

The girl has offered the lower birth and I opted for upper.  Hardly, within an hour time the boy wakes up and started his mantra loudly – papa, granny.  The medico ordered the girl, ‘get up, sit upright, fold your lap and breastfed him.’  Initially, she hesitated; however, she followed the instructions meticulously.  The psychologist told her, ‘breastfed him till he sleep; and, in no case you will beat him.’  The drama continued till morning, wakening, mewling, breastfeeding and sleeping; it was a sleepless night for one and all.  C. A. Struve affectionately stated, ‘a child not suckled by its mother is unfortunate.’ 

In the morning when the boy awaken; she has no other alternative than to get up; her first reaction was amazed and astonished.  In a nutshell, she not only cursed her husband and mother in law but abused and showered them.  In her opinion, the boy is totally dependent on his father and granny and both have spoiled son’s habits.  The ladies retorted, barbed and said it is she who has debauched his habits and not her husband and mother-in-law.  The physician told the young mother regarding how to nurture a baby; what are the advantages of breastfeeding, playing, cuddling, clinging and fondling.  She should fundamentally breastfed for next one year, although nature is not releasing the breast milk.  It is the duty of a mother to look after the child and no other. 

The psychologist explained emotional and psychological aspects of breastfeeding.  It is not only the physical transfer of milk from mother to child, but it is an emotional roller coaster; a mother feels confident due to regulation of hormones and thus develops a strong emotional bond with their baby.  She further explained the mother-child attachment and social anxiety symptoms.  A close relationship is needed between a boy and his mom to avoid further psychological complications such as school misconduct and social security.  She further explained the multiple benefits of playing between a mother and her son with respect to mental, physical and social health of a child.  The last but not the least, the advice given by both the ladies was - there is still time to rectify the mistake.

One thing that’s visible in the morning hours was that she herself has cuddled and fondled her son affectionately.  During breakfast; the mother took the initiative to feed her baby that was appreciated by one and all.  As and when he used to recurrence his papa and granny and whimper; the mother tried her best to console him.  She voluntarily breastfed the son when he started crying loudly; other ladies in the compartment supported her.  She followed the tenets of Carol Burnett, ‘only I can change my life, no one can do it for me.’

She received the phone call from her husband; she ventilated at length concerning her son and emphatically, bluntly and candidly told that she is capacious enough to handle the issue and there is no need to send her mother in law.  The itinerant applauded her firm credence and conviction.  The girl realized her mistake.  She opined that she remained formal towards her child and had intentionally kept a distance assuming that mother in law will look after the son and the rest of the household work she will do.  The mother in law initially objected and tried to force her to take care of a child, but she did not heed to her demand.  Both the ladies rightly pointed out the misdeed she committed and asked her to contact psychiatric for further emotional-social-physical complications.  ‘A newborn baby has only three demands.  They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence.  Breastfeeding satisfies all three,’ once Dick-Read said.

She thanks us for the right advice at a right time we tendered.  She promised us that she will take due care of her son and not to commit the mistake.  H. G. Wells said, ‘if you fell down yesterday, stand up today.’  Yes, the past cannot be changed; the future is yet in your power.  Once the train reaches Nagpur Railway Station, we all departed to our destinations only after the blessings and adoration to the mother and the child.

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